Understanding your baby’s temperament is the most important foundation when it comes to sleep. How easily your baby falls and stays asleep, how sensitive they will be to changes in their sleep environment, and when they begin to sleep through the night all come down to temperament.

Did you ever have a friend swear by a book that helped her baby sleep, only to see that it didn’t help your baby? Or maybe you enrolled in a sleep course that worked wonders with your first baby, and didn’t help at all with your next baby, even when you did the exact same things?

We need to understand temperament before we understand sleep. 

According to the research of Dr. W. Thomas Boyce, pediatrician and author, babies can be grouped into two main kinds of temperaments, Dandelions and Orchids. 

What are Dandelion babies?

Dandelions make up the larger group, comprising about 80 percent of children. Just like a dandelion can grow almost anywhere, children who are Dandelions are hardy, resilient and can thrive in many different environments and situations. Like a dandelion pushing it’s way through a crack in a city sidewalk, dandelion children can grow, even thrive, in less-than-perfect surroundings. They’re more flexible and easy going, and can handle changes and challenges without too much fuss. 

What are Orchid babies?

Orchids, on the other hand, are exquisitely sensitive. Comprising 20 percent of children, Orchids are delicate, fragile and susceptible. They need a near-perfect environment to thrive and have a much harder time adapting to changes and challenges. 

Orchid plants are fine tuned to the nth degree. Caring for them requires just the right amount of water, sunlight and temperature. If you can’t meet those requirements, the flower wilts. 

Orchid babies are very aware of their surroundings and are usually highly alert, from day one. They take everything in, are constantly “on” and struggle to relax. These are the kinds of babies that will start melting down at the first sign of tension in the room between adults. (All babies feel unsafe when their parents fight in front of them- but Orchids feel it a hundred times more.)

Orchid babies are a lot more sensitive to sensory stimulation, like lights, sounds, smells and fabrics. They often use breastfeeding as a way to regulate when they’re overwhelmed – these are the babies who want to nurse every ten minutes. Orchid babies often escalate very quickly when upset, and usually hate being put down. We’re talking about babies who go from 0-100, screaming bloody murder when put in the crib. These are the babies who experience intense separation anxiety and love to be nowhere but your arms. They develop into kids who notice every facial expression, every smirk, every raised eyebrow. 

Orchid babies become overstimulated easily and get overtired within minutes, needing a lot more support to settle and relax. 

Dandelion Babies + Sleep 

These are the babies that sleep 11 or 12 hours with no feeds and minimal effort. After a cold or a trip, they get back on track easily. While life with a baby is never easy, these babies are definitely easier when it comes to sleep. Because of their easygoing nature, Dandelions are often naturally better sleepers or respond well to sleep modifications. These are the babies who don’t cry a lot even when changes are made around sleep and adjust pretty quickly. These are the babies who sleep decently even while traveling. Things aren’t perfect for these babies, but overall, it can feel pretty manageable. 

Orchid Babies + Sleep 

Just like their flower counterpart, these babies require pretty precise environments for sleep to come. This can look like staying super on top of wake windows, nap times, routines and their sleep environment. 

Orchids struggle with sleep. A lot. 

Because their minds are always “on,” it can be a huge struggle for them to relax at bedtime and lower the volume of their mind. These are the babies who refuse to sleep in a crib and who scream bloody murder as soon as their back touches the crib mattress.

Orchid babies need a lot more co-regulation from their parents, through presence, touch and active soothing. Even once calm, these babies often need more help to fall asleep. These are the babies who’s eyes pop open as they sense you slithering towards the door. These are the babies with notoriously short naps and night wakings that never seem to end. These are the clingy babies- the ones who only want to contact nap, bedshare, or at the very least, sleep in a crib right next to your bed. 

Orchid babies are typically more fearful and easily alarmed. They detect threats at the most subtle level and read your energy – they know you’re planning to leave the room before you leave. These are the babies who need you in the room to feel safe. Because Orchids feel stress more deeply and are greater reactivity, their ability to settle is more limited. The same experience that may irk a Dandelion can be devastating to an Orchid. 

These are the babies who will have a rough night full of wakings if they go to bed feeling stressed or anxious. With these babies, giggly playtime before bed to help them destress goes a long way towards a better night’s sleep. 

There are also factors that bother Orchid babies that they cannot communicate with us, like itchy tags or traffic outside their bedroom window. These are issues that might interfere with sleep but we might never realize this, a) because babies can’t communicate on that level and b) because it may be all baby has ever known, they may not even realize it’s the underlying cause of their distress. 

Sleep Support for Your Orchid Baby

1. Understand them. My fourth baby was born a classic Orchid. It took me by total surprise, and I had a steep and difficult learning curve to understand how to meet this baby’s needs. Once it clicked, everything changed. I stopped fighting the child’s nature and started working with their innate wiring. 
2. Support them. When it comes to an Orchid, environmental support is everything. Like a real-life orchid, the environment is what will make or break them. Given a dry, barren or hostile environment, these flowers will droop, wilt and die. Given the proper care, they will bloom into breathtaking magnificence. 
3. Adjust expectations around sleep. This child will not be your 12 hour sleep unicorn. Bedtime will always take longer, nights will probably be fragmented for many months to come, and naps will be touch and go. The more you accept this, the less frustrated you will feel. This child will need a lot more support around sleep. It’s who they are. Some parents consider responsible cosleeping for a baby of this temperament so everyone can both get more sleep. 
4. Adjust expectations around change. Orchids struggle enormously with change. Whether it’s dropping a nap, starting solids, or a change in routine, expect sleep to be disrupted until your Orchid builds a sense of safety and security in the new environment. 
5. Avoid sleep training if possible. Orchids are typically candidates for sleep training. These are the kinds of babies who need you to help them optimize their sleep, and support them when they wake. 

Oh No- My Baby is an Orchid!

If you recognize your baby to be an Orchid- take heart. When Orchids have their needs met, they can grow and thrive in the most magnificent ways, in ways that Dandelions can never aspire to.. Artists, leaders and visionaries have been some of the most well known Orchids in history. I myself am an Orchid and have two beautiful orchid children. While more challenging when it comes to sleep, Orchids are a great gift to your family and the world. Orchids also respond more deeply to positive interventions (therapies, etc) as they absorb the world around them and what is has to offer, more deeply.

“A sensitive child is not a weak child; they simply feel the world more deeply, and that is a strength, not a flaw.”

Tulips

If you’re not recognizing your baby in either the Dandelion or the Orchid profile, this might be why. There’s a third category when it comes to temperament. Tulips fall somewhere in the middle of high and low sensitivity. Tulips are often slow to warm (orchid tendency) but demonstrate hardiness and resilience once acclimated to a situation (dandelion tendency). Delicate like orchids and hearty like dandelions, Tulips comprise a large portion of the general population. 

Later research suggests greater nuance in personality profiles: 

Interestingly, if you group Orchids and Tulips together under the category of “sensitive,” that brings us to a staggering statistic of 70 percent of children on the medium-high sensitivity spectrum. This suggests that most people are relatively sensitive.  

New research indicates that among the flowers, many children are actually “mosaics,” comprised of different Orchid, Dandelion and Tulip tendencies in a given situation. This underscores the concept that each person is unique and complex, and while broad categories can help us understand our children in a broader context, we must always remember that each child is special and unique in their own way. No two flowers are ever the same.

Psst… Have you seen my free mini course about why Cry It Out won’t work for your baby? It will teach you three reasons I recommend avoiding Cry It Out or Ferber methods, and what you can do instead to help nurture your baby towards better sleep! Grab the free course here.