Pesach can be… a lot.

A lot of time off schedule, a lot of time away from home, a lot of new faces for your kids and a lot of hustle and bustle.

Preparing for the holiday season isn’t just about finding the perfect outfits with the right matching socks and hair bows. It’s also about knowing what to expect and planning how to navigate tricky situations. Visualizing how you’ll respond in the stressful moments that will come up. This can make all the difference.

You know the old saying “fail to plan = plan to fail.”

But here’s the thing: it’s not about trying to control every aspect of the holiday. If there’s one thing we know about parenting, it’s that we have very little (okay, zero) control over anything except one thing:

Ourselves.

Which, when you really drill it down, comes back to self-regulation. Our mental states. Our inner work, which spills over into everything we do. If we can stay centered and grounded, control our reactions and act according to our best selves, we’re much more likely to handle the holiday chaos with grace.

With that, here are my top tips to prepare for Pesach with littles, from packing to schedules to dealing with family drama. (And don’t miss this post on juggling a baby at the Seder!)

How to up your packing game

When I was little, my grandparents would give us kids a gift each year before Pesach. Sometimes it was a game, sometimes it was a piece of jewelry, and sometimes it was a pretty new dress. I still remember the excitement of getting something new and special this time of year.

(Simpler times, yada yada. I hear grandparents these days are buying Range Rovers for afikomen presents, but it’s all good. It’s all so good.)

In the spirit of an erev chag gift, let me share a little present with you: something to make your upcoming holiday travels a little bit easier and a drop less stressful. 

I put together this awesome Baby Packing List with everything you could possibly need on it. 

We all know there’s no worse feeling than arriving at your holiday destination only to realize that you left the diaper rash cream/pack n play/ninety-dollar-knit-baby-outfit-that-you-ordered-on-your-mother-in-law’s credit card at home.

And that’s why I wrote this list: to save you from that sinking feeling and last minute scramble to find a replacement, or worse: having to post it on your WhatsApp status.

So, please spare yourself the heartache this erev chag, and download this FREE baby packing list. It has everything you need on it, plus a few things you might not have thought of. 

How to stay on schedule over the holiday

The truth? You can’t. At least not as well as you can at home, in your usual surroundings, on your usual routine. But there are a few things you can do to keep some semblance of a routine.

Stick to routine when you can
Holiday chaos is inevitable. Late nights with cousins high on macaroons, frolicking in theme parks, and matzah pizza afternoons well past naptime—these things happen. But try to keep your bedtime routine intact, even if it’s later and in a different location. Continuing the bath or the same song each night before bed can help your baby settle.

Accept the inevitable
You’re away from home. With oddly-timed meals. Super late nights. It’s all unpredictable. While you don’t need to completely throw your hands up in surrender and give up on all sleep, there is a level of peace you’ll find when you accept that naps will be missed, bedtime will be later, and baby will be overtired more often than not.

Managing sleep expectations

Prepare to Be Flexible
Here’s a mantra for you: “Missed naps? Fine. Late bedtimes? Fine. It’s all ok.” If you end up bedsharing or changing sleep patterns, don’t panic. It’s all reversible once you’re back home. Just make sure you know how to bedshare safely before the holiday starts, because this happens a lot when we’re away from home. Grab my free safer bedsharing guide here.

Plan for Longer Bedtimes

Count on bedtime taking longer than usual. New location, strange room, new crib, new smells. Sleep comes feeling safe. Newness doesn’t feel safe to our brains. 

Coming into the holiday with greater patience and lowered expectations will save you a lot of aggravation around bedtime. Order a few new books you’ve been wanting to read and save them for the times you’ll be sitting with your baby at bedtime that takes longer than usual. It’s just the way it goes – so you may as well find some enjoyment in it!

Naps
Here’s the deal: some naps will be sacrificed. It’s inevitable, so you may as well come to terms with it now to minimize frustration. If you’re going to work to protect ONE nap, you’ll get the most out of the first morning nap – it’s easier for babies to fall asleep for that nap and will help them get through the afternoon.

Mornings
You can stay up till Chad Gadya, but keep in mind: your baby is probably not going to sleep in the next morning. Their body is wired to wake up with the sun, no matter how late you were up the night before. Set those expectations and avoid the frustration. Make the choice that works best for you.

Prepare for Meltdowns
Travel can be rough on babies. New places, new people, new routines. Everything feels different, and that can be a lot for little bodies and minds. While we plan for these holidays to be idyllic family time, we often forget that babies get overstimulated. Your baby might be fussier or needier than they are at home. It’s ok to leave the room and spend some quiet time helping your baby co-regulate. It might help you too! Remember that your baby picks up on your emotional state, so grounding yourself with deep breaths and mantras can go a long way towards calming both of you.

It’s an overwhelming situation. It makes sense to feel overwhelmed.

This is temporary. We’ll be home in a few days.

We’ll get through this together.

Family tension around schedules

Let’s admit it: when there are a lot of people living together who don’t normally live together, and every family has their own rhythm, routines, schedules and needs, things can get a little uncomfortable over the holidays.

Communicate
Whether you’re hosting or being hosted, let your people know what’s going down with your baby (yes, this is your baby, and you get to make the decisions). When you say it’s time for bed, it’s time for bed. If your baby’s overwhelmed, just say the word. Don’t feel guilty for prioritizing your baby’s needs over the hustle and bustle.

Boundaries
Don’t feel pressured by doting relatives to forgo your baby’s bedtime so they can stay up and play. No one else will be dealing with the aftermath of that decision. A rested baby = a happy baby, and you’re the one who’s charged with supporting your baby’s sleep. You can do this gracefully, with a smile and a kind word- and still stick to your boundaries. You can be soft, strong and kind all at once.

Flexibility
But let’s be realistic—it’s Yom Tov, family time, and sometimes we need to break the rules. Trust your mom-gut. It’ll never lie to you. If you choose to bend a rule here or there (or burn all the rules!) make sure it’s coming from a good, strong place inside of you, not from a place of pressure. Flexibility is important, and it feels right when it comes from a place of conscious choice.

Holiday Sleep FAQ’s

Thanks so much for this! I guess any way to make bedtime and nap time take quicker? 

It can feel frustrating to feel trapped at bedtime for a long time while everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. And, this is where we belong in this stage of life. Shortening bedtime while you’re away isn’t usually realistic, in fact, bedtime typically takes longer when we’re away. The only possible way you can shorten bedtime is by supporting your baby to sleep if you don’t usually at home (ie nursing to sleep, laying with them in your bed and transferring once they’re asleep, etc) This won’t necessarily work for every baby (and it won’t guarantee a successful transfer) but it’s worth a shot if it appeals to you! Otherwise, assume bedtime will take longer than it usually does at home.

Hi! I’m most nervous about my baby in the car when traveling for trips. If my baby doesn’t fall asleep she basically just cries the whole ride. Any tips for babies who don’t like the car? Thanks so much!

Having a baby who despises the car seat is a nervous system challenge of epic proportions. 

I know this is out of the box… but sitting in the back sit with your baby can make a big difference. Singing to them, stroking their cheek and holding their hand (or offering them snacks/bottle/pacifier) can help calm them down. 

If that doesn’t work for you because you need the back seat for other kids, try leaving close to bedtime so baby will (hopefully) fall asleep and snooze most of the way there. 

Also, hot take: when babies hate the car seat, there’s usually a reason. Sometimes, the straps are pinching, too tight or twisted, causing them discomfort. Sometimes, the temperature in the car (which can feel cool and refreshing for adults) is too cold for a little baby. Or too hot. And sometimes, babies (especially once they can walk or crawl) get bored in the car! If your trip is longer than 2 hours, it’s a good idea to stop every 2-ish hours and let baby move around for a stretch break. 

How to help toddlers sleep in and not wake up at 7 am 😉 Thank you! 

Hmmm. When you figure this one out, let me know! I’ll share it with the world. 

Holiday inspo for moms

Listen. Pesach is going to be messy. The baby is going to cry right when kiddush begins. Grape juice will spill. Outfits will ripped or get stained beyond repair. Naps will be completely forgone some days. Things will go sideways.

And you’ll be okay.

The holiday isn’t about perfect table settings, designer outfits and perfectly behaved angel children (lol). It’s about freedom. About coming out of your own personal Egypt. About leaving constricting mindsets behind.

So when the baby won’t sleep, when the toddler is sticky yet again, when the yogurt pouch meets its untimely end… take a deep breath and remind yourself:

 This is holy work.

You are raising the next generation. You are keeping mesorah alive.

And G-d sees you, in all your tired, sticky, holy glory.

Chag sameach, my friend. You’ve got this.

PS- travel tips and jet lag tips linked for you here! Tips for Seder night with a baby here.