Everyone loves to talks about the magic of bedtime routines. But let’s be real: how many times have you tried a fabulous, Pinterest-perfect bedtime routine, only to have bedtime end in disaster? Here’s the real secret no one’s telling you: bedtime is more about how you do it than what you do. The last hour before bedtime – otherwise known as the Golden Hour – is one of the most powerful tools you have for smoother nights.
What is the golden hour?
Babies and children don’t necessarily fall asleep just because they’re tired (as you very well know!). They fall asleep when their body feels safe enough to let go. Research shows that when children get attuned, responsive care in the hour leading up to sleep, they not only fall asleep more peacefully, but they also wake less often through the night.
Think of it like filling their love tank. All day long, your child is burning through their reserves of connection and regulation. By the time bedtime rolls around, it’s been a long day and their tank is on empty. When you top it up, through presence, affection, and warm attunement, their nervous system relaxes. And a regulated nervous system doesn’t need to sound the alarm at two in the morning, so it can sleep more peacefully.
Why the golden hour is so powerful
The hour before bed is when your baby’s nervous system takes its final cues for the night. Throughout the day, their body has been faced with a nonstop cycle of stimulation – lights, noises, transitions and lots of big feelings. By the time bedtime rolls around, they’ve already faced an entire day of this and usually need your help shifting into a state of calm relaxation.
When you spend the Golden Hour offering attuned, responsive care, you help lower your baby’s stress hormones and activate their parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” mode) which allows their body to fall and stay asleep more easily.
Research consistently shows that children who receive this kind of responsive, connection-focused care before sleep not only fall asleep more peacefully but also experience fewer overnight wakings.
Connection before bed gives babies a deep sense of security, reducing night wakings linked to separation anxiety and emotional regulation struggles. In short, when their love tank is full, their brain isn’t compelled to wake up looking for reassurance.
Why moms struggle with the golden hour
It almost feels like a cruel joke, but the Golden Hour comes at a really bad time for moms. The exact time that your baby needs you to be your most regulated, attuned self… is usually the moment you’re hanging by a thread, ready to lose it.
By 7:00pm, you’re tired. Dinner dishes are still in the sink. Someone’s crying because their pajamas have the “wrong” tag. Your toddler is climbing where they shouldn’t, the baby is fussy and your brain is racing through emails, permission slips and whether you remembered to move the wet laundry into the dryer.
This is prime-time to feel touched-out and at your limit. Then, the Golden Hour asks you to show up calm and connected just when you have the least left to give. No wonder this time of day can feel so tough.
How to make the golden hour work
Let’s be real. You might see other moms doing it on Instagram, but it’s not realistic to assume you can do baby yoga, massages and meditations together every night before bed (and those moms are faking it too, btw – they literally set up a phone and tripod and hit record before creating the natural and organic bedtime magic.)
The trick towards a sustainable golden hour is to create small moments of connection that are actually doable, even on the hard days.
Here are some ideas you can try to create small pockets of calm in the last hour before bed:
- Wear or hold your baby while you finish cleaning the kitchen.
- Hum or sing while helping them into pajamas.
- Make bath time slower and warmer so that it’s more of a reset than a rush.
- Dim lights and lower your voice as you move through bedtime
- Add an extra cuddle while reading a favorite book.
- Lie down together for a minute and breathe together.
The payoff: more sleep without sleep training
When kids go to bed feeling full of love and security, they don’t need to call out for it as often overnight. You might still get wakeups for hunger, teething, or the occasional bad dream (because that’s normal), but you’re likely to see fewer of the random wakeups, which are the ones driven by a nervous system looking for safety.
This is the magic of the Golden Hour. You’re giving your baby’s brain and body what they need before sleep so the rest of the night runs more smoothly.
Psst… Have you seen my free mini course about why Cry It Out won’t work for your baby? It will teach you three reasons I recommend avoiding Cry It Out or Ferber methods, and what you can do instead to help nurture your baby towards better sleep! Grab the free course here.
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