You are not going to like hearing this. No one does. But I’m going to share it with you anyways, because if you’ve got a baby who’s waking at night, you really need to know this. The kindest, most game-changing thing you can do for yourself right now is to…

Go to bed earlier

Even when you don’t want to. Especially when you don’t want to. Going to bed early is not glamorous. It’s not exciting. But it’s powerful.

Because more sleep (even broken sleep!) changes how you show up. It shifts your mood, your reactions, and your capacity to cope.

Here’s the thing: the sleep you get before midnight is really high quality sleep. It’s deeper and more restorative, which is exactly what your postpartum body needs.

Also, by getting into bed earlier, you have a better chance of getting a longer stretch before your baby’s first wake, which can set the tone for the whole night. You’ll settle back to sleep more quickly and easily after each wake, which makes the night feel so much more doable. The next morning, you’ll feel less wired, less reactive and more like yourself.

Also… if we’re being honest, your body has gone through a lot this past year. It deserves some rest, doesn’t it? So try going to bed 45 minutes earlier tonight. No need to revamp your entire evening routine or add a 12-step skincare routine. Just get into bed earlier.

You deserve this.

Why it’s so hard to go to bed early

You might nod your head as you read this and commit to getting into bed earlier tonight. And then… Netflix. Instagram. FaceTiming a friend. How many nights do we plan to get to bed earlier and then before we turn around, it’s midnight?

The truth is, there’s a reason for this. Because once the baby is asleep and the house is finally quiet…that’s our time. No one clinging, no one crying, no one asking for snacks. Just…peace and quiet.

And after a day of giving and doing and responding, we just want to exist for a minute. This is such a common phenomenon, that there’s a special name for this.

Revenge bedtime procrastination

We stay up too late trying to take back the time that the day stole from us. It’s called revenge bedtime procrastination – the habit of delaying sleep to steal back personal time you didn’t get during the day.

We scroll, snack, watch half a show we won’t remember. Anything to feel like a person again. To feel in control, to feel like we matter and that this day wasn’t entirely about everyone else.

And it’s so, so normal. So human and understandable.

But here’s the hard truth: doing this borrows from tomorrow. From tomorrow’s energy, clarity and patience. From your future ability to handle another night of wakeups and another day of non-stop demands.

Finding time for yourself

So what’s a burned-out mom supposed to do?

Stop waiting for bedtime to be over to get some time for yourself.

Start finding it earlier.
Little slivers of time, just for you:

– Read or journal for ten minutes while your baby plays on a playmat
– Pop in AirPods and fold laundry to music or a podcast you love
– Enjoy a guilt-free scroll while the baby naps
– Take a coffee break at work with no emails or multitasking
– Play music that you enjoy (instead of Cocomelon) on the drive home from daycare.

Tiny little moments to fill your cup as you move through the day. And when you fill your cup (even a little!) during the day, you don’t feel the need to chase down the time late at night.

You’re less desperate, and you can actually go to bed. And going to bed earlier truly changes everything.
So remember: you’re not losing your night. You’re nurturing your nervous system.
You’re mothering yourself, so you can keep mothering when your baby needs you at 3am, and 6am, and all day tomorrow.

So give it a try, ok? Be there for yourself. Take care of yourself. You deserve this.